eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Never underestimate the power of titties
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
