You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
