I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
