my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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