A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
