I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
