I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
