Screwed.edu
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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