K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
