You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
