I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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