I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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