There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize