Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
