Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
