Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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