So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
