Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
