Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
