i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
