So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
