sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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