If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
