SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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