I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
