Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need help removing her.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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