Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
