do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize