I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
