My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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