I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
