Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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