wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
