omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
