So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
