So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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