I want to have your abortion
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
