He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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