i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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