I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
