I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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