he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
