Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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