I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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