I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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