there's paper in my vomit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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