I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
