SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
