If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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