I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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