I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize