I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
