I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
