Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just want nice things and good sex
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
