Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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