How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
