i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
