Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
pop tarts are not kleenex
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
