he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
