Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
