Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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