it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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