Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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