You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
