Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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