Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
