I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
