y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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