I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
