Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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