Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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