Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
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