lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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