it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize