he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
