im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
