Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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